Hiding

People are surprisingly good at hiding.  We hide because we have an image to maintain.  We hided because we don't want to spend years trying to take back our identity from identity thieves.  We hide because we fear things like the truth or being confronted with the truth. 

Sometimes hiding is necessary.  Sometimes you need to hole up and come out renewed again. 

Many times hiding is just delaying the inevitable: the inevitable reveal, the day or event that you fear.

The one of the tricks as always is knowing when to hide and when not to.  A larger trick is knowing that all the hiding in the world will not make the world go away so you have to deal with whatever stuff is left behind.

Motivation

Motivation is a funny thing.  It's amazing that a person can be motivated to travel great distances to do the thing that's fun, but not the thing that they ought to do.

This is because the things that we ought to do routinely and diligently are usually NOT FUN.

Picking up your clothes, paying bills, cleaning the kitchen, putting together a shopping list - NOT FUN.

Watching movies you haven't seen in a while, doing tons of shots the night before you have to show up for another mindnumbing day of work, recreational sex - FUN

Unfortunately, when we are motivated to do the FUN things instead of the NOT FUN things and not do the NOT FUN things at all, bad things usually happen.

Being a responsible adult means you dig down and find the motivation to do the NOT FUN things because they need to be DONE. 

Sunday morning coming down

Sunday-the day after.  This when you sleep in-but not too much.  You re-adjust and re-evaluate.  You are picking up after the previous evening's bachannale, which often serves as a reminder to never overindulge in your own liquor.

The first Sunday after New Year's is especially sobering because the haze of the holiday season wears off.  All that Ebenezer Scrooge TMOC (True Meaning Of Christmas)/The Whos' Roast Goose/Tiny Tim's Razzleberry dressing stuff goes to the wayside.  I personally feel that if you haven't been practicing the TMOC all year round, it's a bit inefficient to wait until one season out of the year to practice it when you can build upon it throughout the year.

So if you are into sports-this is an important time.  College Football is winding up with the BCS Championship Bowl, the culmination of a season.  Pro Football is finishing the regular season and everyone is thinking about the Superbowl.

Everyone else is working on keeping resolutions and beginning again. 

As for me, the last three months of 2010 were not filled with warm and happy thoughts.  New Year's was even a reserved affair.  I knew that when I woke up Sunday morning, that all the things that were left in the old year was facing me in the new year.  I wouldn't be beginning again, but taking up what was already there.

On New Year's Day

We celebrate New Year's Day by watching the Rose Parade, the Rose Bowl (and assorted other bowls, though rather than being known by animals, plants and party terms, many carry corporate names),going to the mall, going to the movies, taking down the Xmas tree (if you have one), playing U2's "New Year's Day" and watching the Twilight Zone Marathon on Syfy.

We take a moment to ponder it all, before we go back to what passes as normal life.  Resolutions are made and they will be broken.  For those who enjoy momentary warm weather, we wonder if there is another storm on the horizon. 

If we are into sports, we wonder who will win the BCS Championship Bowl, if our favorite pro football team will get the nod to the Superbowl and if you are a baseball fan, you will be counting the days until opening day.  If you are into skating, your eyes are on the US, European and other country championships and hope that your country's team will stand aloft the podium at Worlds.

If we are not, we think of other things.


I'll be thinking of many things.  My uppermost thought is to do as much as I can with the time that I have.

Winter is here

The Snowpocalypse part two is upon the city - meaning that people will behave even more badly than usual.  The year is ending and the TMOC sentiment and Grinchly feelings war again and a weird pas de deux that make the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy and her cavelier look tame.

50,333

50, 333 words.



50, 333 words in 29 days. I can't believe it either. I was going to write a very different result for this year's NaNoWriMo, but I somehow found the strength over the Saturday and Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend to go past the 45,000 I clocked in, starting last Saturday.



I did use a combination of paper, Dragon Naturally Speaking and typing to complete the 17 Days collection, which is a scruffy but suitable first draft. I hope to have the strength and desire to edit it.



This year's NaNoWriMo was tough for me. I really did not have it in me at times to finish. I experienced two very emotionally crushing blows. One admittedly was somewhat expected though no less painful. As each day passes and I try to make peace with what has happened though I find acceptance very hard and try to hope for the best, but sitting with the worst.



There was a week I didn't write. And the NaBloPoMo challenge? Fuggeddaboutit. This will be second year I was unable to blog for 30 days straight (unless you could my tweets and retweets). I simply could not channel my pain and frustration and other emotions-not into writing anyway. There are times I miss overnight stocking and outdoors work-I was more successful channeling there. I actually abandoned one of the stories I started, because the parallels were too painful and I knew that this story would not end happily ever after.



(Most of my past creative writing teachers would probably tell you that any fiction I wrote centered on lots of tragedy, sometimes flippantly, but it was there and I could distance myself from it enough to write it.)



I can't say why I picked it up again. I wish I could say that I didn't want to leave something undone, not completed. I wish I could say that it was another promise that I didn't want to lose out on. I can't say.



I just know that I picked up the outline and went over it the way I do at work; figuring out what needs to be done and what problem needs to be solved. Then I started writing. I was interested in seeing where it would go. I stopped paying attention to word counts and just wrote.



It didn't happen without pain, for the residual pain was still there as was the situation that was the source of the pain. Being annoyed with certain coworkers and client for jackassery that made my life more difficult didn't help either. I was tired. I would stop and not know how to continue. Then I would know and continue.



Somehow. I find myself here. On November 30, having written 50,333 words (so said the word validator at the nanowrino site).



So closes another NaNoWriMo for me. Five years of participation. One validated win (this one) that unfortunately I won't ever be able to savour as much as I imagined I would back when I started on November 1st.

50,333

50, 333 words.



50, 333 words in 29 days. I can't believe it either. I was going to write a very different result for this year's NaNoWriMo, but I somehow found the strength over the Saturday and Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend to go past the 45,000 I clocked in, starting last Saturday.



I did use a combination of paper, Dragon Naturally Speaking and typing to complete the 17 Days collection, which is a scruffy but suitable first draft. I hope to have the strength and desire to edit it.



This year's NaNoWriMo was tough for me. I really did not have it in me at times to finish. I experienced two very emotionally crushing blows. One admittedly was somewhat expected though no less painful. As each day passes and I try to make peace with what has happened though I find acceptance very hard and try to hope for the best, but sitting with the worst.



There was a week I didn't write. And the NaBloPoMo challenge? Fuggeddaboutit. This will be second year I was unable to blog for 30 days straight (unless you could my tweets and retweets). I simply could not channel my pain and frustration and other emotions-not into writing anyway. There are times I miss overnight stocking and outdoors work-I was more successful channeling there. I actually abandoned one of the stories I started, because the parallels were too painful and I knew that this story would not end happily ever after.



(Most of my past creative writing teachers would probably tell you that any fiction I wrote centered on lots of tragedy, sometimes flippantly, but it was there and I could distance myself from it enough to write it.)



I can't say why I picked it up again. I wish I could say that I didn't want to leave something undone, not completed. I wish I could say that it was another promise that I didn't want to lose out on. I can't say.



I just know that I picked up the outline and went over it the way I do at work; figuring out what needs to be done and what problem needs to be solved. Then I started writing. I was interested in seeing where it would go. I stopped paying attention to word counts and just wrote.



It didn't happen without pain, for the residual pain was still there as was the situation that was the source of the pain. Being annoyed with certain coworkers and client for jackassery that made my life more difficult didn't help either. I was tired. I would stop and not know how to continue. Then I would know and continue.



Somehow. I find myself here. On November 30, having written 50,333 words (so said the word validator at the nanowrino site).



So closes another NaNoWriMo for me. Five years of participation. One validated win (this one) that unfortunately I won't ever be able to savour as much as I imagined I would back when I started on November 1st.