50,333

50, 333 words.



50, 333 words in 29 days. I can't believe it either. I was going to write a very different result for this year's NaNoWriMo, but I somehow found the strength over the Saturday and Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend to go past the 45,000 I clocked in, starting last Saturday.



I did use a combination of paper, Dragon Naturally Speaking and typing to complete the 17 Days collection, which is a scruffy but suitable first draft. I hope to have the strength and desire to edit it.



This year's NaNoWriMo was tough for me. I really did not have it in me at times to finish. I experienced two very emotionally crushing blows. One admittedly was somewhat expected though no less painful. As each day passes and I try to make peace with what has happened though I find acceptance very hard and try to hope for the best, but sitting with the worst.



There was a week I didn't write. And the NaBloPoMo challenge? Fuggeddaboutit. This will be second year I was unable to blog for 30 days straight (unless you could my tweets and retweets). I simply could not channel my pain and frustration and other emotions-not into writing anyway. There are times I miss overnight stocking and outdoors work-I was more successful channeling there. I actually abandoned one of the stories I started, because the parallels were too painful and I knew that this story would not end happily ever after.



(Most of my past creative writing teachers would probably tell you that any fiction I wrote centered on lots of tragedy, sometimes flippantly, but it was there and I could distance myself from it enough to write it.)



I can't say why I picked it up again. I wish I could say that I didn't want to leave something undone, not completed. I wish I could say that it was another promise that I didn't want to lose out on. I can't say.



I just know that I picked up the outline and went over it the way I do at work; figuring out what needs to be done and what problem needs to be solved. Then I started writing. I was interested in seeing where it would go. I stopped paying attention to word counts and just wrote.



It didn't happen without pain, for the residual pain was still there as was the situation that was the source of the pain. Being annoyed with certain coworkers and client for jackassery that made my life more difficult didn't help either. I was tired. I would stop and not know how to continue. Then I would know and continue.



Somehow. I find myself here. On November 30, having written 50,333 words (so said the word validator at the nanowrino site).



So closes another NaNoWriMo for me. Five years of participation. One validated win (this one) that unfortunately I won't ever be able to savour as much as I imagined I would back when I started on November 1st.